well today has been a very hard day for me. not only did me and my sis get into a huge fight (big surprise) but i had to go look at houses and i hate looking at houses and found that one of my friends is being such a idiot. i hear that he was letting two girl use him as a post which in my account is one of the stipidest things that he has ever done. and all he can say is " that was an intresting night" which in guy lingo means "i enjoyed every minute of it and would do it again" STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!! that is the kind of attitude that will be his doom. thats wrong. i for one do not want to hear any one being degrated to that level of disgust. RRRRRR guys make me so mad. why do they do what they do. if any guy reads this i would like some answers. why do you play with our minds and hearts? why do you use us as play things than humans that have thoughts and feelings? why do you only want and think about one thing? huh answer that!! and if there are any guys out there who do not think that way then let yourselve out becasue there need to be more men who are comapssionet and understanding.... we girls dont need all romance and jewels but just to have the knowledge that we're special and you wouldnt want to hurt us. thats what we're atracted to. at least us good normal girls and not the sluts you see today. i know what i want in a man and i will not let myself have anything less. i know there will be flaws and there will be aguments but knowing that a man kept himslef hounorable then i will take him. yes we like the romance but you do to or else you wouldn't do it. ya thats right you wouldn't of done it. someday ill find my prince charming and he will have found his qween becasue i will keep myself clean and worthy to have such a man. bow that im done raving... im going to bed and wake up to what i hope to be a new day..... and hopefully calmer. GOOD NIGHT!!

oh man i'm in such a pickle. ok that is the first time i said pickle and i think that its kinda lame but im still in one. i have these two guys that came down from okotoks and i already ditched them once but noooo they just wont get the picture. i mean whats the deal. i felt bad about it but that doesnt mean i want to see you again. why why why!!! its not that they're bad guys.... well they kinda are but they are perverts and i dont like that kind. i want a RM ( for those who dont know what a RM is its a return missionary) not a perve who only cares for one thing. and slaping my butt does not help me want to meet them. but what am i going to do. i dont want to be ruse and say "umm i know you drove like 2 hours here to see me but i dont want to see you until you decied that sex isnt everything." but you know im not like that. i wuld love to say that but i can't well maybe i can but thats only when im really pushed. i am flattered that they came to see me but just not what i expected. i might be seeing them tomorrow and maybe ill tell them then. it was such a shock becasue i had just gotten off the phone with adam and then they call i was so shocked. they were in town. in my town. i had no idea. its crazy. what am i to do. i guess all i have to do is meet them. oh well there could be worse things in life. maybe i can tell them that i have a boyfriend...... no that would be lying. allthough very tempting. oh well ill do what i can. until then ill just try to keep my cool and go with it. what else can i do. well its 2 am and i really should get to bed. ill write what happens when it does until then...... happy sleeping and sweet dreams.

It was a hecktic trip but great. i just got back from EFY and man it was awesome. my leaders were so much fun and my group and i never got to sleep. in fact we'd stay up talking to this guy on my room mates cell phone till 3 am. he has a very nice voice but his personallity could get worked on. the dances were the greatest. i went crazy but the banquet dance was hard... my dress kept fli[ing up everytime i jumped.... i was so scared that everything would show so i couldnt be wild for this one which killed me becasue for those who know me i love to go crazy at dances. and after the dance we had awards and stuff and this guy that was totally sweet told me that he thought i was really cute and that he kinda liked me.... and 3 others lol. but ya we were siting together on the floor with our group and he was leaning back on his hands and i got tired and did the same ting but.... well.... my hand was on his hand and AHHH is was embarrised it was like i was trying to make a move and no i wasnt. i did have a stalker though. he was cute but creepy. i only talked to him once and he keep asking his brother (which was in my group) what i was wearing to find me and were i was and stuff like that. and heres the note he worte me on the sencond time we talked too.  here goes

hello my dearest sarah

i have come from a distant land to beseech thy hand. thou art the young and the fariest of the land. i have had the oportunity to get to know very little about you, but i am greatful that you have given mr that opportunity to do that. my testimony has grown so  much this week my standards for girls that i date has gone way up. but you know the really  awesome thing you make the cut that gives me great hope that there are girls out there that are as righti=ous as you. dang girl you rock. i hope i can be as lucky as the man you dream worthy to be your king. save a dance. love you forever mike

it was sweet but kinda creepy. he was cute but i dunno it just not my thing. not to mention im still geting over that fact of chad. he hot but i hate him, love is confusing. but hey whatcha gonna do.

candice i love you. you'll do great this year.

but ya i have a ton of film to develop and the ill let you guy know who this guy is.

its been a really hard day. first my cuz is having a bad day then adam then me then .... jordan.....and well its just been really hard today. im going to be haing a very hard a busy week. first my friend is moving and i wont beable to see him again. and then my cuz is mad at me and we have to share the same room together and i really hate when people are mad at me.... it makes me feel down. and i dunno. i just wish osmetime i knew what eople were thinking. i want to be trusted by people, not hated. and im so over that whole chad thing. i dont know what i was thinking. i know hes not to the one for me. i guess im still being effected on the cheating but you know that life. and i cant stop it. i would still love to be friends with him but i dont think i could ever see him in that light again. to much confusion. well it is very late an i have to get up tomorrw for work. good night to everyone

well now that my emotional break down is over i can move on to better things... like danceing or playing ym music... i own a electric guitar and i can put it down bt i will tonight becasue im going danceing with a bunch of friends. i love danceing... and singing... and acting.... i love to perform... its my life. i can't wait till pop idol comes (its a town event we put on.... like canadian idol but for our town) and i might have a chance to get something this year. even if i dont i just want ot make it to the finals. but i did last year so my goal is to try at least for third. i've been working really hard for it and i can only hope to do better than last year. i might be in compitition with two of my friends. one is amazing and i love to hear him sing becasue he was born with talent. and the other is good but does need some work. when she works at a song its great and she sounds so good. but ya i cant wait to go and dance. im over being in a bad mood for a loser who can't commit to anything so im moving on and going to find a new guy. Infact i think this one guy is cute... and hes got curly hair. im a big sucker for curly heair guys... dont ask why i just am. but i know i just got to be myself... that the best... ok now im going to go PARTY TILL ITS DAWN!!!! ok maybe not dawn but in going to dance dance dance..... yaaaaaa

 

I"m heart broken and no one knows. my friends think im over him but im really just dreding the fact on what happened. i want to be with him but dispise him at the same time. why oh why did he cheat. does he think about me? did he even care at all? what was i an experiment? i feel so used.. unwanted... abandoned!! i loved him i really did but he took no notice to it. im glad that i never told him that i did... it would have just made it worse... or would it have made it better? i don't know anymore. now im so scared to get into another relationship becasue i don't know if ill be used like that again. i liked him for almost 2 years now and he still doesn't know that i like him or care for him. i just wish i could get inside his head just to see if he even cared at all for me. why does love have to be so dificut. is it even love that i feel? i dont even know what love is. It's gone so comercial now that its not even real. is it just a deep like for him.... or love?? i dont know!! i gues im just down. seeing him tonight probably wasnt the best move to do. he smelled so good to. i know that sounds really creepy but i love his colone. swiss army i say is the best. but what are you to do when you like some one that doesnt like to back?? i guess the only way is to move on. well heres to all the lovers who servive anything and stay true.

(yawn) waking up to two phone calls and not an alarm clock is better but still not fun. Unless its two guys.... which it was but...... they werent cute.....well one is but hey we're not going to get together. he moving so what can you do. i had a very intresting dream too.....now if only i could remember what it was. there was one where earth floated into jupiter and all jupiters moons fell on earth and hurt 3 of my friends. it was really weird. i always wonder if theres a meaning to dreams. and if there is why do they have to be so hard to tranlste. i like the flying ones though. i never get them any more but it was cool to see what was above.... oh and the ones underwater. it would be so cool to breath underwater like mermaids do. waking up is hard when you love to sleep. me im a night owl and not a early bird. i need at least 9-10 hors of sleep. dreams tell alot about a persons mind though i think. every one has diferent veiws and things to think about. lately with me its love, or friends. i had a dream where i was in a plane with two parashutes and 3 people and i had to choose which to save. i dont know what i chose becasue i woke up before it ended. but i would do anything for my friends. they mean every thing to be besides my religion. its going to be a ver heckti day but im going to go through with it. ta all